My father spent most of his time in the sea. He comes back home months after. We weren't that close and I respect him so much. He loves the word "initiative" and "common sense", he always utter that word to us. I have problems with my dad. FEAR has been manipulating me since my younger years. Let me say he is strict and perfectionist but not in his sense.
One good thing when he comes home is that tons of chocolates, perfumes, and gadgets are given to us. And one thing that i really like and love is that were going on a trip mostly at a beach resort. Our last trip was in "Duka Bay Resort". It was so nice and was indeed a good place to stay in. The scenery of white sands and the blue beach makes it feel refreshing. We went on snorkeling and glass boating looking at the colorful corals and fishes. We also went on feeding the fishes.
While snorkeling, my mom was holding the new bought water-proof digital camera by dad, without no idea she had dropped the camera at about 40ft of the sea. That was the end of our happy-family-trip. My dad was so angry that he ordered us to pack up our things and returned immediately at our place so that we could still fixed the camera there. But was too late, the camera was not usable anymore and the worst part is that all the pictures were gone.
I thought that day we could start on something new. I thought the FEAR would somehow disappear and turn into LOVE. But still nothing has changed. He gets mad over little things. He shouted and insult us when we make little mistakes. Because of this we started to tell lies. We learn how to let the words pass by in our ears. I honestly would tell that me and my sister also had mistakes too. We accept that but what we worry about is the attitude and the way our father would treat us, FEAR has been manipulating then.
Of course i always do understand my dad, especially with his situation: working abroad for months, leaving his family behind, enduring the hardships and loneliness. That's why there are so many things that I want to do with my dad but i can't. Something is putting me down, something inside of me telling me "Just don't mind". But my mind is speaking to me "Should you stay like this forever? is there nothing to change? nothing to do? Is this what you want?". I'm so confused. My dad is totally right about all the values and advices he told us but what i am concerned with was that i want to have a father in which i am comfortable with, I want to feel a real home, not a prisoner or a working place in where one is a boss.
But then i realize that my father wants me to be prepared for the coming of my future. He wants us to be matured enough to handle our own things. We are not children anymore that needs to be spank when we do bad, need to tell on what to do and what not to do; but a teenage girls who understands and knows what's right and wrong, who are already capable of deciding over things.
A father is a father. For God had said in Ephesians 6:1, "Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." Soon I'm gonna be a parent someday, I would then realize that my father was right. One good thing is that I had been raised by a Christian parents in which i had known and fear God.
So, let us HONOR and RESPECT our father and mother
for without them we wouldn't be here. >.<
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